This is the cover I made for Tess for her Graduation Party last night. I thought very briefly about just buying a card like everyone else would be doing, and then I thought, fuck that! I need to stay on brand!
Shobhit didn't quite get it when he first looked at it. I had to explain that it was a check mark. Hopefully Tess is quicker; I don't really know because Tess didn't open her gifts during the party, which was totally fine.
The check is actually a bit of a pun reference to the gift we gave her, which was a check for $501. I didn't even know money was a standard gift for graduates at a party, but when Gabriel texted the digital invite the group text, this came up rather quickly, because Mandy asked if cash or check was preferred. Gabriel noted he had been to another graduation party recently and "cash was king." Many then quipped, "$100 in pennies it is!"
I immediately thought: does that mean Mandy's going to give her $100? I had no idea that might be the norm. Could I get away with giving her, say, half that? I was trying to keep this in the confines of my regular budget. But, when Shobhit saw that in my budget, he said: "That's nothing! We have to give her more."
This is funny because Shobhit has a history of getting on my ass for spending $10 on something, if he thinks it's a worthless thing to spend money on (he can forget that we all value different things). But, when it comes to something like this, his deeply-felt sense of proper etiquette steps in. I asked him how much
he thinks we should give her, and he said, "At least $250, or $500." I just about fell off the couch, but I was also good with the idea. Okay, I was slightly ambivalent for a minute, but somehow it made me feel better to agree that we commit to giving the same to Rylee, Danielle's daughter, when she graduates next year. This sort of imbues a sense of fairness even though I never gave cash to a single one of my nieces or nephews who graduated. (Shobhit made a fair point, though, mentioning the many years I had Christopher's kids visit me for weekends over many summers. I spent way more than $500 on those kids.)
Still, I worried about too many things when it came to this. Would Gabriel think it would too much? Would people think we were grandstanding? Would Tess think this means we're loaded? I kind of wanted to keep the amount unspoken until Tess actually opened the card, because I was too afraid Gabriel might insist it was too much and I didn't want to give him a choice in the matter. I also worried, by far the most needlessly, about the legality of Tess's name and whether writing that name on the check would be awkward in any way. (It turns out I forgot Gabriel took care of his fully
ten years ago. Still, I really didn't want to make any assumptions when it comes to this, and there is no doubt I already knew this, but unfortunately my memory is shit, and I figured it best to be certain.)
So I was walking home from work last Monday, thinking about all this, and finally I thought:
This is stupid. I'm just going to call him. So I called, and I should note that I had to make a mental note to slow down because walking uphill
and talking was still going to tire me out, four weeks after the accident—I'm happy to report I am even further improved since then, and I feel almost completely back to normal now, which is fantastic. Anyway, Gabriel answered saying he was in the middle of texting other friends something about sports (probably the World Cup? fuck if I know) and I was the one friend who would not be at all interested. Perhaps in part to prove his point, I immediately changed the subject: "I keep fretting about this and I don't want to keep doing that." And then I said, "It has to do with what Shobhit and I decided to give Tess as a graduation gift."
So then I told him, and he was clearly very shocked, and also delighted; all I got from him, really, was deep gratitude, so there was no need to worry about his reaction. He did say more than once, "You can give less if you want." So I said, "Oh okay, you've convinced me!" But of course I'm not going to go back on it after I've already said the amount Shobhit and I agreed to give her.
I did say "five hundred" at first. But then I noted a few minutes later that it was actually $501. (If we had decided on $250, it would have been $251.) Shobhit also insisted on this; apparently it's a Hindu tradition thing: you don't want to give amounts in even numbers, and people add an extra $1
for good fortune. I actually think this is kind of cool, and I especially like the personalized touch it adds to Tess's gift, especially coming from Shobhit—who, by the way, wrote more than I did on the
inside of the card:
Congratulations & best of luck for the next phase of your life's journey!! ENJOY EVERY MOMENT."
On the inside of the card, above Shobhit's note, I just wrote "Congratulations!" But, to the left I wrote,
Just don't spend it all on beer and cigarettes! To be honest, what I really wanted to write was
Just don't spend it all on cocaine and hookers! But, having no idea whether it would be opened in front of mixed company, I figured I'd best reign it in a little. As I already noted, though, she didn't open anything during the party—again, totally fine. But also a missed opportunity for me! Oh well.
We must have been at the party for a pretty solid three hours. I was genuinely nervous that Shobhit might do or say something that made me decide we needed to take our leave early, but that never happened. His history with Gabriel still makes me prefer to spend time with them separately, but in this case I think we both understood that it was better for Tess's sake, since it was her party, for both of us to come. To me this is not the same as Gabriel and Lea's wedding, when I genuinely assumed everyone involved would be happier with Shobhit not there (apparently I was wrong; I guess the social obligation of a guest's spouse also attending outweighs whether the hosts even likes the person that much), and there was a host of other factors as well, not least of which my being in the wedding party and needing to be there far earlier than Shobhit would have had any reasonable interest in being there. But whatever, that's all water under the bridge! To me, this was different because it was Tess's party, and there's no baggage at all with Tess.
And to Shobhit's credit, he was a pretty good guest at this party, I would argue. There have been times when we hung out with Gabriel and Lea and Shobhit really only engaged with Lea. but yesterday he actually engaged directly with Gabriel and things were totally civil. I'm glad, because Gabriel was clearly stressed just hosting the party, having nothing to do with Shobhit, and I wouldn't want anything to pile on top of that. As soon as he said hi when we arrived, I could tell his was perhaps a bit overwhelmed by it all, and I said, "You doing all right?" He responded with a jovial, "Nope!"
There were several people there I haven't seen in a while: Stephanie; Stephanie's mom; Janine, who chatted me up as soon as I arrived—I forgot she had mailed me a homemade "Trump Voodoo Doll" that Gabriel kept forgetting to give to me for her. I had to check the mail room as soon as we got home last night, and
there it was. I also saw who I later figured out was Gabriel's sister-in-law, Amber, who I must have last seen at Gabriel and Lea's wedding, but I could not remember her. I was totally honest about that when she said hi to me, and then she said something like, "Oh, that's real nice!" and just walked into the other room. When I talked to Gabriel about this later I noted that I really couldn't tell if she was joking or not, and he indicated that such a thing is actually pretty typical with her. Okay then.
I did make a slight fool of myself when I later mistook one of Gabriel's coworkers for Amber, before I realized who Amber was. Oops. So I said, "Well, they're both brunettes. They all look the same to me!" Gabriel laughed awkwardly and introduced me as his best friend, in a sort of context that was sort of like
Sorry about this guy. Whatever, I thought it was funny. This young woman, whose name I actually do remember was Ashlyn, was sitting with another of his coworkers, a young Black man whose name I'm not sure I ever learned. They were both very young, and not the biggest minglers; Gabriel
sat with them for a while, and I could tell it was because he takes hosting seriously and is concerned about no one feeling ignored. This, I'm sure, is why he also came and sat at the table on their back deck that Shobhit and I were sitting at, after we had already spent some time visiting with Mandy, her husband David, and Janine there. Now, though, Ryan—whose name I did have to be reminded of—came and sat with us; I either introduced or re-introduced, I'm not sure which, to Shobhit; Shobhit had not been to a full-on party at Gabriel and Lea's place since before covid. Anyway, Ryan is Lea's friend Julie's husband, and I learned a
lot about the work Ryan does creating intricately detailed replicas of movie and TV show props.
Shobhit and I had just gone down to walk through the thickly lush gardens of the backyard, and were about to head out anyway, and several people had already left by this point, but still the party kind of ground to a halt due to some tragic news that it's not at all my place to get into here, except to say it concerned someone people at the party knew but who was not actually at the party. I learned of it from Ryan, who told me as he gave me a hug goodbye that they were headed to the hospital. I had hoped to get a selfie with Tess and Shobhit on the way out, but the vibe had massively shifted very quickly, and so we just said our goodbyes, with our own expressed concerns, and were on our way. Gabriel still took a moment to ask if we wanted Tess to open our present while we were there, and I did not feel that was necessary at all, nor was it good for where the vibe had suddenly shifted. But Gabriel also told Tess as we were leaving that we had left her a special gift and she'd need to call us later after she opens it. I wasn't all that concerned about that, honestly, but Gabriel clearly wants us to know how much it's appreciated it. (I'm sure it will be. I've joked that Tess is apparently very fond of me, and well, she's definitely going to be now! Not that I think money is actually the deciding factor there because I don't.)
I genuinely feel bad for the person the sad news was about; it was shocking and distressing news. But I also feel kind of bad for Tess, and how her party had to end on such a bummer note. That sucked. She seemed to be taking it in stride, I'm certain she didn't resent it or anything and she expressed the same appropriate concerns as anyone else. I still would have wanted a better end to a party in her honor. It just sucked all around.
That aside, it was a lovely party and I think, until the end, everyone there had a good time.
[posted 8:59am]
