I really need to get my shit together when it comes to food consumption and portion control. I've been at or above 150 lbs the past three days in a row, and it was not long ago I was averaging 140 lbs. Okay it was more than a year ago, whatever! I still want to get back to it. I mean, I weirdly get more action at 150 than at 140 but I don't care. I still feel like I look better at 140 than I do at 150. I'm apparently the only one who thinks so, and perhaps I should spend more time thinking about that. Still, moving in the wrong direction -- up -- is always concerning to me, especially when I know precisely what is causing it: food consumption. And these fucking foods constantly available at work is the problem.
No no, that's not exactly the problem. The problem is my constantly eating it. I still have to take responsibility! Just yesterday, someone in the Deli department baked all these croissants with different fillings, some fruit, some chocolate. They were on a tray on the table in the Merchandising pantry, which I walk past on my way to the kitchen or on my way to the bathroom -- as in, I walk past it several times a day. I couldn't tell you how many times I took a bite or two, nearly every time I walked past those fucking pastries. Which, by the way, were excellent and delicious. Not only is there an endless supply of food samples where I work, more often than not, it is excellent food!
But, I've made effective use of portion control before and I can fucking do it again. Total denial of anything is self-defeating; I know that from experience. What I need to keep reminding myself is this: ultimately, I get just as much satisfaction out of one or two bites of something as I do ten bites of that same thing. Sugar itself is, of course, problematic -- it's literally addictive. That's probably a big part of my problem right now.
I've done comparatively well so far today. Admittedly, there hasn't been a big tray of fresh baked pastries set out today either, but whatever. I also have access to countless snack bars and candy bars and the like. I had one single-bite Larabar Mint Chocolate Truffle and a single, two-bite Leafy Mama Almond Coconut Milk Caramel -- both products we don't sell (yet?) but that's the nature of things here, getting samples of stuff in advance of, sometimes (as in the case of Leafy Mama), their even being on the brand websites -- and so far have managed to leave it at that. Three bites. That's far less than I consumed yesterday, at least. I'm drinking more of my tea in an attempt to stay feeling full and take up the slack. It's so easy to get into the habit of grazing constantly.
I did have a healthier than usual dinner last night: Shobhit and I made a kind of "kitchen sink" salad. Using up the last half or so of a container of spinach leaves thrown in with a salad kit packet from Costco, along with fresh chopped vegetables: onion, carrots that I grated, mushrooms, celery, a bit of grated cheese, even a can of pinto beans was dumped in there. We spent a lot more time prepping a fucking salad than you might ever expect to. Oh, I also fried up one Field Roast veggie sausage and chopped that fine and threw it in for flavor.
We ate while watching Sunday night's episode of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, which was great; then Here and Now, which is garbage but for some reason I keep watching; then the last four episodes of season two of Roseanne, which was fantastic, especially episode about them filing taxes that suddenly got all meta with dramatic music the characters could hear.
[posted 12:35 pm]