Christmastime in Wallace 2019
Shall we start with the juiciest gossip? Let's do that!
I mean, I've certainly gotten into plenty of trouble with the shit I've written in my online blogs over the years, but this is one case in which I seriously don't give a shit. Because: a) Katina, my brother's ex-wife and mother of all his children, surely doesn't even know this blog exists, let alone reads it. I could be wrong but I doubt it. But that also leads me to . . . b) I don't care anyway. My entire family is so over her, it isn't even funny.
When was the last time I actually saw her, I wonder? It would have to have been May 2016, when I rode with Dad and Sherri to visit Spokane and meet Cheyanna, Nikki and TJ's baby, for the first time; I also rented a Zipcar to drive from Spokane to Wallace to stay one night and see Mom and Bill. This must meam that, just as Mom was thinking must be the case, Christopher and Katina separated in January 2017. Christopher had said this past Saturday night it was January 2018, but that would have to be too recent. Katina was not present when Christopher came with the kids to visit when I was there again in May 2017.
Anyway! Are you wondering when the fuck I'm going to get to the juicy gossip? Well, here it is: Katina got evicted this weekend. Now, bear in mind I was getting a very biased version of the "facts" in this situation, only hearing from Christopher about it. I guess it's slightly relevant that Nikki corroborated, but she also told me she hasn't had a verbal conversation with her mother in two years. No matter how we all feel about Katina, that's still really sad. Katina is still her mother. But, Katina also still has to face the consequences of her actions, I suppose.
According to Christopher, the reason Katina got evicted was basically because she was catfished. She met some guy on a dating app who claimed to be dying of cancer, and she sent him money. Money that should have gone to her rent. And—this is particularly important—she never actually met this guy in person. The fuck? I have long known this woman has not had her priorities straight, but holy shit. I said this was astonishing, even for her. Everyone else was basically like, "Not really."
This happened to be Christopher's usual weekend visitation with Christian and Braeden, the only two of his five kids who remain underage. This means they came to stay with Christopher for the weekend without having any idea where they would be staying Sunday night. In fact, I still have no idea where they did stay last night. According to Christopher, Katina had until last night to get out of the place she was living in. This is a somewhat ironic comparison to last year, as when Shobhit and I visited last December, it was also during a regular visitation weekend, and Mom actually requested that Christopher not have the kids on the same weekend Shobhit and I were there, as it was just too overwhelming to have so many people in the house at once. I guess she didn't bother with that request this year.
There is no space for Christian and Braeden at Mom and Bill's, so it's not like they can just move in with them there. That said, I would argue there isn't space for Tristen either, but he's been living there since last year, doing nothing at all, never getting a job, just basically being dead weight as a 19-year-old with no prospects. I've said it already, many times, but it always bears repeating: I grieve for the lost potential for all three of those boys, who have all been officially labeled "disabled" by the state and who have never been taught any life skills or self-reliance, even though they are all capapable of learning. Even Christian, who amazigly just turned 17 last month so he'll be 18 in one more year, but his autims is by far the most recognizaably manifest. He will probably be dependent on either his mother or someone else all his life.
That said, I still wondered if the kids might stay a little longer than usual. According to Christopher, Dawn, Katina's mom, was irrationally worried that Christopher would try to "take the boys away" from Katina. Nope: as he apparently does every other weekend, he drove them back to Katina in Spokane last night, after also driving into Spokane to pick them up on, I think, Friday. He picks them up and drops them off every other weekend, even though Wallace is 80 miles east of Spokane. And last night, he even lugged eleven boxes to storage for Katina. He must have been quick about it, because he and Tristen got back from Spokane before it was even 8 p.m.
Whatever the reason, it was still nice that Christian and Braeden got to be there, even if I did not spend a huge amount of time talking to either of them. Christian, the quiet one (and also the single one of them who remains beanpole thin), has never been much of a talker anyway. Braeden is the youngest and still only 13 so he had little to talk about with me.
There was a period there where I thought even Becca would be there, and if she had been, Mom would have had both her children and all of her grandchildren together all at once for the first time in 16 years. But, for now, it was still not meant to be: Mom had told me Becca was planning to visit them for Thanksgiving and suggested I contact her to see if she would come this weekend instead. I messaged her on Facebook to suggest just that, and she said they were unable to go to Wallace for Thanksgiving anyway so they would indeed come this weekend instead. I still knew to take that with a grain of salt, and in the end, she still didn't make it. According to Christopher, Becca and Tyler were living with roommates sharing rent and they had to move after one of their roommates disappeared without a word, and they could not make up the rent. Why they couldn't just find another roommate, I have no idea, but apparently they are back with Tyler's parents again.
It was still great to get to see Nikki and TJ, though, as always—and especially Cheyanna, who is four years old now; it had been a year since I last saw her this time (since we skipped the usual springtime visit to Wallace this year) so she had grown a lot.
As for the weekend on the whole, we followed a now-well-established pattern, which has now gone the same every visit since May 2017: Shobhit and I drive over on Saturday, stopping at the Costco in Coeur d'Alene to pick up pizzas along the way; that way dinner is provided for everyone at Mom and Bill's house that day. Then, on Sunday, Nikki and TJ drive down with Cheyanna from Spokane to visit as well. This has been how the weekend has gone for our visits in May 2017; December 2017; June 2018; December 2018; and now December 2019 (we skipped the spring visit in 2019, remember).
That said, after adding Nikki, TJ and Cheyanna to the mix in 2017 and it created much tighter crowding at Mom and Bill's, as of June 2018 we established a new element to the pattern, now replicated three times: instead of having Nikki and TJ hang out at the house for their day visit on Sunday, Shobhit and I cook a huge lunch for everyone over at our room at Hercules Inn, as we have more space—especially with both Christopher and Tristen now living with Mom and Bill—and our room has a full kitchen. So, now the full weekend pattern is as follows: drive to Wallace on Saturday and provide Costco pizza for dinner at the house, along with playing Cards Against Humanity; Nikki and TJ drive down from Spokane on Sunday to join us all for lunch we host at Hercules Inn, before we then spend some time hanging out again at the house after Nikki and TJ drive back home; Shobhit and I drove back home to Seattle on Monday. At this point Shobhit and I have kind of turned it into a well-oiled machine.
Bill has yet to come over and join us all for lunch at the Inn for any of the three we have done so far, his excuse always being he's in too much pain to go out. He was in so much pain on Saturday this past weekend, in fact, that he didn't even ever come out of the back bedroom; I only saw him briefly when I took some pizza back to him.
We got two large pizzas, one of them vegetarian and one of them not: one is always half-pepperoni, half-"combo"; one is always half-cheese (to accommodate picky children), half-veggie (for Shobhit and me). With Christopher getting visitation with Christian and Braeden again this weekend, this meant for a pretty large number to feed on Saturday alone: there were eight of us. If we'd bought three pizzas it easily would have all gotten eaten by the end of the evening, although I would argue there was still plenty for eight. Assuming 12 slices per pizza, that still averages three slices per person. And that's plenty.
I was first given Cards Against Humanity as a Christmas gift by Gabriel in 2012. The game's novelty has worn away significantly in our overall culture since (and Claudia here at work has talked to me about how it's kind of too easily used by people to play racial humor against her, with white "friends" insisting "It's just a joke!" when they play racially themed cards on her turns, without ever really trying to understand how or why it can make her uncomfortable—hearing that has re-contextualized the game for me a bit, how it can allow for subversive prejudice to flourish). But, Mom loves the game, and pretty much every year anymore, the only time I play it is when we visit her in Wallace. I'd still like to get at least one more "expansion pack" to put some new cards in the mix, as even a whole year after playing it last, we went through too many cards Saturday night that I had already seen way too many times over the years. That said, it was still fun and we all had a good time. Mom, Shobhit, Christopher and Tristen all played.
I had created a Facebook event invite for lunch on Sunday, and I marked it as starting at 11:00; Christopher brought the boys over shortly after 11:00 and then went back to fetch Mom. He then went back to the house until Nikki and TJ arrived, as he was working his "hours" as Bill's caregiver. I noted in last year's post about this visit that at that time, Christopher was only working weekends and any weekday shift their caregivers could not do. I guess now he's on a more permanent and regular schedule through the week, as Bill's official caregiver. (TJ talked a lot while Christopher was driving the boys home about how this as a "job" for Christopher, given that he lives there, was "bullshit"—I actually think it's more complicated than that, but also that there may be some bit of truth to it. Still, everyone does acknowledge that Christopher has depression and anxiety issues which are legitimate. I got the sense that TJ in particular thinks Christopher uses those things as a crutch way too much. I couldn't say one way or the other with any real authority, given that neither do I live with them in Wallace nor do I live inside Christopher's head.)
Anyway, Nikki had warned me over Facebook Messenger that they would not make it by 11 a.m. but would be a bit later than that, which I told her was totally fine. Shobhit and I took that as our cue to put the lasagna we made in the oven right at 11 a.m., putting the scalloped potatoes we'd gotten from Costco in as well at the time that they should then be ready at the same time. The potatoes actually should have stayed in longer as they were a little cold in the center, but they were still edible.
In any case, Nikki and TJ made very good time, all things considered, and had parked their truck at 11:55. The lunch spread was set out for everyone by about 12:30: three trays of lasagna; two trays of scalloped potatoes; a frying pan full of sautéed vegetables, very brussels sprouts-heavy (this got eaten the least); a salad mix from Costco; and a fruit medley from Costco. This wasn't even counting the box of macarons we'd gotten, or the platter of crackers and artichoke cheese dips we had set out, or, most importantly, the thirty samosas Shobhit had on offer for an Idaho visit for the first time ever. Or at least it was a first on Saturday; Shobhit fried a few up to take to Mom and the boys that evening as well, right after we arrived at the Inn. Shobhit had pre-made the spiced potato and paneer filling and had only to assemble and deep fry them once we arrived.
I had totally forgotten this, but Christopher reminded us that Shobhit had made samosas for Becca and Tyler's wedding reception party in 2017, so he, Becca and all three of the boys had first tasted his samosas then. Christopher was the only one who hadn't cared for them, so he declined any of them this weekend. They were a big hit with the kids, though, both then and now. And, it was still true that Mom and Bill were getting to taste them for the first time this visit. Bill was bummed on Saturday that there weren't more of them then, and we had even brought three for him Sunday night as well—which we had to take out to save for him, or else they would have been devoured—and even then he'd openly wished there were more. This was kind of funny because, to a person, be it Mom, Bill, Nikki or TJ, they clearly looked ambivalent about trying this exotic snack food they had never heard of before, and then once they did, they predictably found it delicious. (Nikki and TJ had not been at Becca and Tyler's reception party; just as Becca and Tyler, in the end, could not make it to Wallace for this visit, as originally planned. I had little faith in that part actually panning out anyway.)
Shobhit and I had started working on the food pretty much as soon as we got out of bed Sunday morning, and then, as always, we made way too much, particularly of the pasta. For past visits we have made ravioli, and last year it was penne, and this time for the first time we did lasagna, which Shobhit had never made before. We were going to make four boxes of it in four aluminum baking trays, and we "limited" it to three in the end—two of them would have been more than plenty. But whatever, it yielded plenty leftovers to cover meals for at least the next day or so at Mom and Bill's. By the end of the day on Sunday, only about half the lasagna we had prepared had been eaten, so we had a full tray to take to Mom's and put in her refrigerator. Ditto half a tray of scalloped potatoes. And that's not even including the huge tray of food we brought back for Bill, who wasn't in nearly as much pain Sunday night, for him to have for dinner. He even came out to the kitchen for a minute. He still spent the rest of the time we were there in the back bedroom, though. He and Mom even use phones as an intercom to speak to each other from opposite ends of the house (which is not that big of a house).
This left half a tray of lasagna for Shobhit and I to keep as leftovers ourselves, and it yielded breakfast for us to heat up in the microwave before heading back home yesterday, and the last of it we have split between us for work lunches today.
Christopher left to drive the two youngest boys back to Spokane relatively early Sunday afternoon, and we hugged goodbye as I wasn't sure I'd see him again. Once they were gone and it was just Shobhit and me with Mom, Nikki, TJ and Cheyanna at the Inn, I guess you could say that was when the requisite shit talking began.
There was a lot of talk about Katina, and her apparently longstanding gambling addiction. There was also some talk about Christopher and about Tristen and the life choices they have made and are making, but much more was spoken about Katina. As I said before, it's rather sad that Nikki hasn't even spoken to her in two entire years, aside from this year apparently they exchanged texts wishing each other a happy birthday (which they share), but nothing more. Sometimes I think about when I was Best Man at their wedding—the one time in my life I wore a bolo tie—and I was obliged to give a toast at the reception. I still remember vividly how I ended my speech: "I love you both very much, and I hope you last forever." I really did care a lot about Katina for many, many years, and had no issue with thinking of her as very much a part of the family. But she spent the rest of her life just nursing bitterness and sucking the air out of every room she was in, and now I'm over it. I don't have the same relationship I once had with my brother anymore either (he did once disallow his kids from visiting me for three years for "religious reasons," after all, though by 2016 he turned around and even offered me a sincere and much-appreciated apology), but I do still love him. Now, though, the fact that he and Katina have not lasted forever is a huge relief to us all.
The discussion on Sunday early evening, though, got to the point where I felt like just talking about Katina was making Nikki tense and stressed out. I started to think, Should we really bother having this conversation? It was kind of just working TJ and Nikki up, unnecessarily. I did not actually say anything to that effect, but perhaps I should have. They are on such bad terms with Katina that they won't even let her see Cheyanna anymore. Nikki says it won't happen until Katina demonstrates an understanding of how her behaviors have affected them, rather than just offering an empty apology without indicating that she understands why one is needed in the first place. Apparently one final straw was when Katina left the house while watching Cheyanna when she was less than a year old, leaving her solely in the care of Tristen, who would have been maybe fifteen or sixteen at the time and not at all responsible enough to be trusted alone with an infant. At least, not in TJ's opinion. (On this point, TJ is probably right.) I'll say this about Nikki and TJ: they are very loving and attentive parents. You can take one look at their relationship with that little girl and see that they're doing it right, raising a happy little girl who you can easily see growing up very well-adjusted. And they certainly don't take kindly to their daughter being put at risk, no matter how minor other people may think the risk is. I can certainly respect that.
I don't want to make it sound like Katina and family drama were all that was talked about, though; far from it. We actually talked a fair amount about the HBO documentary about the guys who were molested by Michael Jackson, Leaving Neverland. Nikki had taken my posts about it to heart, and took my challenge to watch the two-part documentary first before coming to conclusions about it. I was kind of shocked anyone had done so, based on what I posted, and I was most impressed and appreciative that Nikki had. In the end, she was just as convinced by it as I had been. TJ had retained some skepticism, but he also admitted he did not watch the whole thing, which is of course an important part of it. Even he was astonished that any parent would leave their child alone overnight with the man, though, whether he was as famous as Michael Jackson or not. He insisted he'd never do that with Cheyanna, which I think he has well demonstrated is a believable claim.
So, from heavy topics to light, we had plenty of stimulating conversation on Sunday, until Nikki and TJ declared they needed to head back—a bit later than I expected they would, honestly; they hung out for about six hours, leaving just before 6:00. They had football playing on our TV the whole time, but it was fine since they kept the volume down. I should also give Christopher some credit about his adorable if terribly trained dog, Astra, who he brought over for the lunch visit at Hercules Inn just as he had last year. Pets are not allowed inside the unit, but the guy who owns the Inn told us last year he could keep her in the staircase foyer area that's out the back door of the unit (or the front, if judging by the view from the street, but non one uses these doors for coming and going). Astra is pretty high strung and will leap into anyone's lap that's left open, and when he kept her in that space last year, she whine up a storm and even scratched the door a little, which made me nervous. Christopher did much better with her this year, both keeping her on a leash and having either Christian or Braeden sit with her out there to keep her calm, while Christopher also sat on the floor just inside that door. I don't think she ever scratched the door at all this year, which I was really afraid of happening, so that was good.
Mom was ready to be driven back home pretty much as soon as Nikki and TJ left, so we drove her back and hung out to visit a while there at the house Sunday evening, as is also part of the now-established pattern of these visits. I had a cup of vanilla chai tea with a good glob of spiced rum added to it, which I refilled only with water twice; I put a bit too much sugar in it. Shobhit tried to convince me to have Mom open her calendar now, but I wouldn't do it. I don't care how much Shobhit insists he doesn't care about surprises, I fucking do and I wish he'd get that through his head; I don't want him to see what the calendars look like until Christmas. Even that aside, even though I told Mom she was free to open it the next day if she really wanted, I still preferred even she wait until Christmas. Christmas means so much less if you have no presents to open Christmas morning! (Although for the record, that’s not to say I insist on getting any gifts—I just want the gifts I give to be opened on Christmas Day whenever possible, as that is just right and proper.)
I am going to have to mail Becca's and Uncle David's calendars to them, though. I'll have to get that done sooner than later.
Even Mom started indicating she was getting tired relatively early on Sunday night, ending the visit earlier than usual but that was fine; I liked the idea of being able just to do some packing up and hanging out at the motel room for a bit before it was time for bed. As for yesterday, Shobhit and I woke up, got ready, packed up and were out of there by around 9:45. After the requisite gas and bathroom stops at Costco in both Coeur d'Alene and Issaquah, plus one extra bathroom stop at a rest stop just west of Moses Lake, we got home right around 3:00 in the afternoon, making very good time. That left me plenty of time not only to process photos and write up the requisite photo digest email, but also caption at least some of the photos (full, 45-shot album on Flickr here), write about a third of this very post in a draft (I decided to wait to post the rest until today since if I posted last night, I'd have nothing to post today), and even watch two hours of television: His Dark Materials, which I feel gets slightly better with each episode; and this week's Watchmen, which was stupendous and stands with the best episodes of the season.
So. Another Wallace visit in the bag. No waiting a full year for the next one, though. Next time will likely be either in May or June.
[posted 12:10 pm]