My tweets

  • Mon, 8:22: I live in a universe where people randomly come up to me out of the blue and say "Matthew, I adore you!" And then when they quickly walk away again I'm like "Wait come back I want specifics!"
  • Mon, 12:04: RT @itsbday: Nothing says "Capitol Hill, Seattle" more than a man dressed in full spandex, standing outside of a yoga studio smoking a cigarette.
  • Mon, 14:37: I'll never forget when Howard Stern asked Cyndi Lauper if she was rich and she immediately said no. I looked up her net worth and it was $30 million. As long as someone else in the world has way more money, objectively wealthy people somehow think that means they're not rich.
  • Mon, 19:09: I have a niece who would love to pop that pimple!