My tweets

  • Tue, 6:02: I bet vampires are really into Pez Dispensers.
  • Tue, 7:57: Scott: I'm waiting for the CBD crickets.

    You feed the crickets CBD, then you eat the crickets, and you get CBD from the crickets.

    Me: Is that for real?

    Scott: No, that's my next invention!

    Me: That sounded plausible to me.

  • Thu, 22:10: So I turned a podcast back on and found myself thinking, Why the fuck does everyone sound like they’re drunk? It took me a minute to realize it was somehow switched to play at half speed. ‬

    ‪The moral of this story is: if you’re drunk but want to hide it, talk twice as fast. ‬