I love this photo.
Shobhit's and my table was close to the opposite end of Legion Hall from the raised platform where Lynn and Zephyr eventually sat to eat their wedding dinner, and Shobhit was actually the one to suggest I go up to get a picture of them, as it might be my only chance to get a good shot of them together.
He was right, but I also waited a bit while another guy was up there chatting with them. Then, I walked over and stepped up to the platform, saying, "I'm gonna take your picture!" True to form, Zephyr's first instinct was to
do something goofy, but I smartly took a second shot—this one—while I laughed at him, and Lynn and Zephyr giggled in turn.
That's what I love about this shot. It's not typically a challenge to get a good photo of Lynn, but Zephyr is much more prone to, I'll call it, "ironic pedantry," which can bleed into his poses for pictures I take. Before this wedding day, I don't think I've ever captured such unguarded, unbridled joy on his face, at least not like this. There's something unusually pure about his expression here, which is a big part of what makes it special—because, clearly, this day was genuinely special to both of them.
Lynn and Zephyr got legally married in a civil ceremony already, actually kind of a while ago: December 2021. She told me this over Facebook Messenger in April 2022 (last year), when she wrote to me,
Oh. Next summer, 2023. Solsticxe. Save the date.
These were my responses:
Okay. Why?
Wait
Are you getting married??
She responded,
Zephyr and I are doing our handfasting.
It took me a while to get a sense of what "handfasting" really means. And when I asked if it will be the exact date of the solstice, Wednesday June 21, she replied,
Probably, because Solstice is important to Zephyr, as he's pagan. So, I immediately marked my calendar.
I had no idea then, of course, that Shobhit would be running for Seattle City Council. I thus had to tell her later that whether he would be joining me was up in the air, and wasn't able to confirm with her until Monday this week that we would indeed be coming together: in the end, Shobhit had the time to go. Barley, but he came. I was very glad, because Lynn and Zephyr both attended our wedding, ten years ago to the month.
Not only was Lynn and Zephyr's wedding yesterday a pagan ceremony, it was also "a big Renaissance Faire party," as indicated by their
beautiful wedding invitation. Lynn had told me another time that guests would be encouraged to dress in Renn Fair costumes, although I made it pretty clear I had nothing even remotely close to such clothing.
I mentioned this to Shobhit yesterday morning, and for a bit he acted like I had put him out by waiting until the last minute to tell him about the Renaissance Faire theme. "I could have ordered a costume," he said. I replied, "You would not have done that." He took a beat and said, "You're right."
Besides, although a good quarter or maybe third of the guests (and they definitely had more guests than we did at our wedding, and in a somewhat smaller venue) did wear Renaissance Faire costumes, a lot of people also wore regular clothes, or just something otherwise festive—the couple who played ukuleles who I was later told were Lynn's parents actually wore Hawaiian shirts. What I did was wear my black jeans with a black long-sleeved T-shirt, thinking it was the closest I could find out of my wardrobe as the shirt was all fabric, no adornments, and no buttons. I figured it could evoke priesthood or something. (It did not. Plus, another guy came
dressed as a full-on friar.) In any case, we were hardly out of place no matter how we dressed.
I did wear my yellow-leaf earrings just for a small splash of color. At least one person complimented them. (Another person complimented my nails.) Amazingly, I never got any photos of myself yesterday to show them.
I have yet to get this corrobrated from a second source, but I was told the woman who performed the handfasting ceremony was Zephyr's aunt. She had clearly performed this ceremony many times before, as she indicated when she had us all perform in the "
spiral dance." This involved everyone leaving the building, single file, and then following her to form a giant circle out on the lawn. After that, she led us further, forming a smaller circle until we became a spiral, until it was too tight to make the spiral any tighter. After that, she told everyone to "walk around the stick" that had been in the center, and then spiral back out again, walking in between the lines of people still headed to the center.
So long as everyone kept their hands held—and this unfortunately meant I could not get any photos or video of the ritual—the line would make its way back out to the larger circle again without any confusion. The woman more than once said things like, "I'll be okay, I promise!" And at one point she said, "I've done this before with 435 people."
When the ceremony itself began—six minutes of which can be seen in the video at the bottom of this post—Lynn's and Zephyr's hands were tied together with ceremonial thin ropes, of different colors with different symbols. And from then on, they had to stay tied together, whatever they did, for the rest of the day. You can't see any of the ropes in the great photo at the top of this post, but although they might very well have beeb holding hands by default anyway, their hands are also together because they are tied (fairly loosely, it's not done uncomfortably) together.
Shobhit and I staked spots at an empty table quite early on, and over time, every other table filled up with more than just one couple before ours did. For a pretty good long while, I thought our table night be the only one with just two people sitting at it.
Then in comes this woman, who recognized me on sight: "Matthew, can we sit with you?"
It wouldn't have mattered who she was, I would have said, "Of course!" But in this case, having been addressed by name, I immediately thought:
How do I know this person?
Turns out this is Miriam, the younger of Jim's two daughters—Jim being Lynn's ex-husband (her second). Holy shit! I hadn't seen her in. quite literally, 24 years.
Now remembering her, though, I quickly opened the Flickr app on my phone, did a quick search, and found the two photos I had tagged of her from the late nineties. I found
this shot from Lynn and Jim's wedding in Spokane in April 1999, and when I showed it to Miriam, she was immediately impressed that I found such an old photo of her so quickly.
Miriam even brought this up again when we were all
sitting with Lynn and Zephyr at their table for a few minutes, and Lynn said, "Matthew's special that way." Indeed I am! If I have a photo of you, among my deeply organized and widely cross-referenced photos on Flickr, in most cases I can find it quickly and tell you the date it was taken.
Anyway, back to the above photo. Miriam said to Lynn that the photo I showed of her was of when she was twelve, which may have been a guess on her part, I don't know—but, if she was 12 in 1999, then she'd be about 36 now. She's married to a man named Mark (my lasting impression of hin was his snazzy haircut) and has two kids now: Violet, age 9 (love that name); and Emmet, age 4.
Here she's posing with Lynn's younger son, Nick—I asked
him if he was still in high school: "I don't remember how old you are." He replied, "I'm 22." I said, "Oh. Well, that would be a no!"
Nick and Miriam are half siblings, something I somehow totally forgot: Nick was Jim's youngest, after he came into the picture with Lynn in the mid-nineties with two preteen daughters, Miriam the youngest of the two.
I had left the table to get my food, and when I got back, Nick was in my seat. I just sat at the chair on the other side of Shobhit, and swapped water glasses with Nick: "I drank out of this," I said. He responded, "That's fair," a phrase that proved to be a favorite of his.
So, in the end, our table had seven people at it: Miriam with Mark, Violet and Emmet; Nick; Shobhit and myself. I knew I couldn't miss an opportunity to get a photo of these two together, so I asked and they obliged.
Miriam is apparently now a stay-at-home mom but she has a side hustle making hemp necklaces with hand-painted beads threaded into them—you can see the rainbow-beaded one she was wearing in the photo here. (Her husband, Mark, wore one with all-brown beads in it, and a pendant that was three interwoven infinity signs.) Shobhit really admired it, loved the rainbow beads on Miriam's necklace, and asked her if she sells them.
She said she does, and she had even brought a bag of supplies to ask Lynn and Zephyr what they wanted as a design she would make for them as a wedding gift. (That's what they are all discussing in
this photo.) When Shobhit and Miriam had this discussion, Miriam was unsure if she'd get a chance to talk about it with Lynn and Zephyr, particularly early enough for her to make a necklace (or bracelet or whatever they wanted) while actually there. Shobhit asked how much she would charge for one, and Miriam was like, "I don't know, I'm really bad at promoting myself. $25, maybe?"
Shobhit decided he wanted one. In
this photo, it's Shobhit's hemp / rainbow beads necklace she is making. She was clearly very practiced at this. She said she likes to use hemp because she has skin sensitivity to nickel, which is in a lot of metals and thus a lot of necklaces. Shobhit doesn't like to wear metal jewelry either (this was how he lost his wedding ring years ago, because he never wore it and kept it in one of his backpack pockets), so that made this even more appealing to him. He also really liked the idea of wearing it over Pride this weekend, and in the Pride Parade.
Miriam had said it would take about half an hour to make, and it probably took her closer to 40 or 45 minutes. As you can see from the photo I linked to, she had some interruptions and distractions, so I'm not sure Shobhit needed to be so worried about how long it was taking her and if she was undercharging him. In the end he gave her two $20 bills for it, which she was taken aback by but accepted. She said she tries to sell them at markets in and around Shelton (where she currently lives) but no one there wants to pay much at all for them.
Shobhit chose the same pendant Mark had, with the three interlocking infinity symbols. After Miriam was finished making it, he asked me to go outside with him to
take a picture. The hemp is pretty stiff right now but Miriam said it will loosen over time, and that with hers she showers with it on once a week to help with the process.
Miram had asked me to text her the two old photos of her I had from the late nineties, and she gave me her number to do so; I then also texted her the photo of Shobhit in the necklace she made. She let us know she does have
an Instagram account for her hemp jewelry, although she doesn't update it as often as she probably should. She should post the photo of Shobhit!
Overall, the wedding was quite interesting and fun. Lynn and Zephyr were very considerate of all dietary restrictions, right down to the desserts, with some cupcakes being dairy free and others being gluten free. (I don't think any of them were both. Thank god.) I only learned after the fact that
the beautiful wedding cake had different flavors depending on the layer, and I wound up with a slice from the layer that had cappucino icing filling. Blech! The
bottom layer had raspberry filling which I was bummed to have missed.
Anyway, the caterers had vegetarian options, although they biffed it slightly with the rice pilaf, which was made with beef stock—something Shobhit always knows to ask. However, they also had very well made sauteed vegetables; macaroni and cheese; salad; and even a limited supply of a vegetable tofu dish. This would be why the first called to the buffet was people with dietary restrictions, and thus why I'm glad we decided at our table that being vegetarian counts. (I mean, of course it does. I had to ask though because vegetarianism is not the same as food allergies.) Which is to say, Shobhit and I both had
more than enough to eat.
The wedding was a very different from any other, which really brought to mind our own with Shobhit and me. The two wedding ceremonies were very different from each other, aside from being held at a city park banquet hall (ours in Seattle; theirs in Everett), but they were also both decidedly non-Christian, religious ceremonies: ours Hindu; theirs Pagan. Theirs, as I already noted, was also Rennaisance Faire themed, which added another layer to the whole thing. Lynn and Zephyr have a lot of "Renn faire types" in their circle of friends, so it was kind of on-brand, and made it uniquely fun for most of them, I think.
I was really happy to have been able to make it, and to document it in the very way that Lynn noted makes me "special." I have a Flickr album with
71 shots in it, 13 of them video clips, almost certainly more than anyone else got. There's no doubt in my mind that the professional photographer they hired got far better photos (especially as she had no obligation to be part of any ceremonies), but she wasn't taking video, and I don't know that anyone else was either. Or if they did, I would be money I got a lot more footage. Mostly because I am shameless. But sometimes my shamelessness works out for people!
We did not bring a wedding gift. Shobhit was unsure whether we should have. The invitation only said to "bring a libation to share," so we stopped at the Greenlake PCC in the middle of several campaign-related errands we ran on the way up there yesterday afternoon (I took the day off of work), and bought a six-pack of hard cider. Once there, they clearly had more than enough drinks for people, of many varying types. I think I may have been the only one to bring hard cider though! Shobhit and I each had one can.
We clearly could have stayed a few hours more by the time we left, at around 5:30, but Shobhit was ready to go, and I was okay with that. Even I had things to do, and we had the drive back, including a stop at a
third Home Depot for the day on the way (between the wedding itself and the many errands, I finished the day yesterday exhausted—to be fair, probably not as exhausted as Lynn and Zephyr!). That allowed me the time to edit and upload the day's photos, and even take a stab at an essay for Shobhit's campaign requested by the
Seattle Gay News, which he was far happier with than I necessarily expected—several edits notwithstanding; I expected that anyway.
In other words, I did a lot yesterday. I'm seeing a movie with Tracy tonight, then have three days of Pride Weekend to contend with, including huge commitments Saturday and Sunday to assist with Shobhit's campaign involvement. I expect to continue to be exhausted for the next several days. I'm already looking forward to
two weekends from now. But, I should still get lots of really fun pictures this weekend!
[posted 12:44 pm]
