— पांच हजार आठ सौ ग्यारह —
Not a lot to report on today.
Shobhit and I went to our first therapy session in four weeks yesterday. Amy had to cancel on April 21 due to a scheduling conflict; I canceled April 28 due to my Birth Week vacation; Amy canceled again last week due to a family emergency. There remains some uncertainty with how and when billing gets done correctly so I don't get charged as "private pay."
A lot of stuff came up yesterday that's been on Shobhit's mind that I wasn't even aware of. When we left yesterday, he asked me something along the lines of, "You want to keep going?" I said: "I'm certainly not ready to quit." I have no idea how long we'll do this, and even I have mixed feelings about this particular therapist's skill and effectiveness. But this is also just the nature of therapy: it's nebulous, it's a process, it's not necessarily something with quanfiable or measurable results.
The thing is, though, yesterday was a great example, ultimately, of its usefulness. I gained a greater understanding of what's going on in Shobhit's mind, how he's thinking, where some of the shit that happens between us might be coming from. This isn't happening outside of therapy sessions. If we can improve our communication with each other enough at a later time, perhaps we can move away from therapy. Although honestly, I think therapy is always helpful, and is even a smart thing to go into when you don't even feel like major problems are happening.
For now, I do think it's critical that we keep doing it. Where and when and how and with whom could change over time, I suppose, but those are bridges beyond the horizon at the moment.
To say Shobhit and I have had major ups and downs over the past four weeks would be an understatement. We'd have had plenty to discuss in therapy three weeks ago. The thing is, though, after yesterday, I don't feel like we left anything particularly critical unexamined. I feel pretty good about where we are actually. I even had an example from over this past weekend where I managed to redirect the vibe between us after some pretty intense, public bickering. It was a positive moment, a positive choice that we both engaged with, albeit in slightly different ways. But it still happened.
— पांच हजार आठ सौ ग्यारह —
— पांच हजार आठ सौ ग्यारह —
Later in the evening, I had nothing better to do, so I went looking for movies to watch on Disney+, since I will be canceling the subscription after seeing this week's final three episodes of
Andor season two. I came across the 1991 Steve Martin version of
Father of the Bride, and thought: why not?
I have spent literal decades thinking that movie didn't look that great. I was convinced to give it a chance, mostly because of
The Big Picture podcast, and both Amanda and Sean agreeing that it's a really good movie. All I can think now is, maybe they were both dropped on their heads as children?
It wasn't
terrible, but it could not be any more . . . "blah." I wanted and expected far more from it. And I had some
pretty specific hot takes for Letterboxd.
It gave us a way to pass the evening, I suppose. I won't ever be compelled to watch that one again.
— पांच हजार आठ सौ ग्यारह —
[posted 1:00pm]
