Celebrating Seventy

[With all twelve great-grandchildren, together for the first time.]
Yesterday was the party celebrating Dad turning 70, which actually happened last Tuesday but Sherri scheduled the party for 5 days later, August 10. Incidentally, the same thing was done for Dad's 60th birthday party in 2015: he turned 60 on Wednesday, August 5; the party that year was on Sunday, August 9. The key difference between 2015 and 2025 was the 60th birthday party was a surprise; the 70th birthday party was not. Also, the 60th was held under a tent in the yard behind the Mud Bay Shipwreck Cafe, from which Dad and Sherri retired in 2019—so, this party was held at a rented venue, only about a mile north of Dad and Sherri's house in Olympia (as the crow flies; the drive is 2 miles): Huber's Gastaus. There was still a connection to the Shipwreck Cafe, though: this place is apparently owned and operated by one of their longtime customers. Anyway! The event was presented as "indoor / outdoor," I think mostly because the building does not have air conditioning, and it was fucking hot yesterday—it got to nearly 90° in Olympia (and in Seattle, I believe, though Olympia is often slightly hotter in the summer). They had a couple of tents set up on the lawn in front of and to the side of the building, and the shade combined with a fairly pleasant breeze made it surprisingly tolerable the entire day. The building, which is a former private residence converted into an event space, has two levels, but Sherri had a purple linen rope tied across it to keep people from going upstairs. She didn't want any of the kids running around up there and getting into shit or getting into trouble, which seemed reasonable enough. This meant that the event was either out under or near the tents, or on the ground level of the building. Except! Either Angel or Gina, I can't remember which, had the idea of doing a group photo, and the initial idea was to have us all stand on the staircase. I have counted the number of people in the group shot seen at the top of this post multiple times, though—there are forty in that photo. That would have been quite crowded on that single flight of stairs. It might have made for a fun shot anyway, but I was the one who brought up the balcony facing front on the second floor, from which a photo could be taken of all of us standing on the ground. And when I mentioned that we would all be looking up at the camera and thus stretching out our double chins, Beth was like, "I think that settles it!" So that left the question: who should take the photo? Most of us there would want to be in the photo, right? One idea was Ian's girlfriend, Bella—not as any dig against her, but she doesn't yet have the history with the family, broadly speaking. Then it was suggested we ask Eric, Jennifer's ex-husband who Dad and Sherri decided to invite as apparently he and Dad still talk regularly, but he's such a chill guy that it was rightfully assumed that he would not be in the least offended that being asked to take the photo would mean he couldn't be in it. (I am realizing just now, looking at the group shot, that Bella is indeed in the photo, standing right in front of Ian; she is also directly to my left. Shobhit is standing behind me.) So, Eric just crawled under the purple linen rope and went up the stairs and to the balcony (something I did myself much later when most people had left, to check it out for myself and get a few extra photos), and used my phone to take the photos—I really wanted the photos on my phone so I wouldn't have to nag someone else to text them to me. Eric took ten shots, after we assembled everyone there with surprising swiftness and efficiency (and thankfully Ricky's girlfriend didn't hold up the process this time, like she did at the Family Vacation in Leavenworth in 2022—something that contributed to my decision not to push for a group photo at the 2024 Family Vacation because it's too much like herding cats, something I now regret: we should make this happen no matter how herculean the effort). I later narrowed the 10 shots to 3 that I actually kept, largely because of variances in which people had the best smiles. If I had better software and better skills, I would simply edit the best faces together into one shot. The above shot is great as it is, and happened to have the best smiles on Dad and Sherri's faces in particular. This morning I checked my blog post about the 2015 party, and the "Roll Call" I listed abouted to 39 people. The photo above lone indicates a slightly higher number, as 40 are pictured; there are two attendees not in the photo—Eric, who took the photo; and Erin, my cousin Tammy's husband, who had to take their dogs away because there are no dogs allowed at this venue. This was a bit of a thing because Sherri didn't mention this on the invite, but she still signed a contract and nothing could be done. To be fair, I would argue that no pet owner should just assume their pet is welcome someone just because it hasn't been mentioned—it's really on them to ask for clarifcation before bringing a non-human with them somewhere. So anyway, let's do the Dad's 70th Birthday Party Roll Call! 1. Dad
2. Sherri
3. Angel
4. Brandi
5. Nick
6. Jaycee
7. Gianni
8. Enzo
9. Ricky
10. Reyna
11. Raiden
12. Ruby
13. Britni
14. Carlos
15. Alex
16. Caitlyn
17. Amira
18. Alaina
17. Gina
18. Beth
19. David
20. Jackie
21. Georgia
22. Emmy
23. Nikki
24. TJ
25. Cheyanna
26. Elijah
27. Becca
28. Kayvaan [pronounced "Kay-van"]
29. Matthew
30. Shobhit
31. Jennifer
32. Matthew
33. Hope
34. Chase
35. Ian
36. Bella
37. Aunt Roxanne
38. Aunt Arliss
39. Aunt Penny
40. Tammy
41. Erin [not pictured]
42. Tobin [not pictured]
43. Eric [not pictured] Some key absences this year who were present at Dad's 60th in 2025 would include several people who have since passed away: Auntie Rose and Uncle Imre; Grandpa McQuilkin and his siblings Uncle Lynn and Auntie Dean; Aunt Raenae. A couple of exes of both Angel and Gina were there in 2025: Dave, Gina's ex-husband and his wife Heather; Rick, Angel's long-ago ex-husband, who was actually mentioned yesterday and Dad noted that they haven't talked to him in several years. There would also be a key absence this year even though he wasn't at Dad's 60th either—but, he was at Sherri 70th birthday party, which happened on the same day as Easter, three years ago, in 2022: my brother, Christopher. Sherri told me recently she had told Christopher she expected him to be at that one (she sort of pulled a Grandma McQuilkin there), and in the end, he was—also bringing the boys, Tristen, Christian, and Braeden. Even Becca came to that one; it was Nikki and TJ who missed that one, but came this time—and they've been coming to stuff with surprising regularity the past couple of years, including Dad and Sherri's 40th Anniversary Party in March of last year (13 in attendance), and even the Third Biannual Family Vacation in Tokeland in August of last year (25 in attendance). Either Gina or Beth, I forget which, did comment, with some empathy, that its a long drive over from Wallace, Idaho—granted, Nikki and TJ made it from Spokane, but Wallace is another 80 miles on top of that each way, and Nikki and TJ clearly have more reliable transportation. Should I get into some family drama? To be clear, there really wasn't any—Tammy and Erin being slightly put out by not being able to bring the dogs they treat like children was probably the closest thing to drama at the event itself, so that was nice and good. There's some drama that still exists behind the scenes, really just bits of drama that certain people are aware of going on that, at worst, got some gossipy discussion here and there at the party. Some of it, I would be insane to detail here. Jennifer and Tammy were the only ones of my immediate cousins to attend; Toni Marie was planning to come, which with her family would have added something like five or six to the Roll Call. But, one of the kids was apparently not feeling well, so they didn't come after all. I guess James had asked if it was okay for them to come if they just stayed outside, but he was told it was probably best not for them to come with potentially viral infection among the lot of them (I fully support this). Jennifer, for her part, came with her entire family in tow: Matthew, her boyfriend; all three of her kids, Hope (who came even though she lives in Portland now, which I thought was sweet of her to do) and Chase and Ian; and even Ian's girlfriend from Alaska, Bella, who had come along with them when they came to stay the night over New Year's Eve. Later during the party, Shobhit brought out the Yahtzee game we brought, and Chase and Ian played a game with us. They all left right after that game was done. When Jennifer arrived, she walked up to me and said, "You're not as cute as me." I laughed and said, "That was new." I think she was referring to our outfits. I was wearing a pink polo shirt and white pants; she had an orange-ish blouse and blue jeans. I would say we both looked good, though! Jennifer seemed slightly unsure about sharing a table with Eric, who is her ex-husband—Sherri loves to tell people things like, "They don't become our exes!" In the end, Eric sat at the table with Jennifer, Matthew, and all the kids they had brought. It was all fine, and although they were hardly acting like buddies, Matthew and Eric even said a few things to each other during certain conversations, particularly about wildfires happening on the Olympic Peninsula near where they live. Who was it, I can't remember who—Nikki, maybe? I think it was Nikki who mistook Eric for Rick (Angel's ex-husband) for a brief moment. If you haven't been around all that often the last thirty years, that's actually a pretty easy mistake to make. They're both exes who have come to family gatherings well after their respective divorces, in any case. I suppose it's possible Hope drove from the furthest away for this party. Gina's son David and his family (Jackie, and the kids Georgia and Emmy) live in Vancouver, WA, though, which is just across the river from Portland, so their distance was pretty close. I don't remember where Aunt Roxanne or Aunt Arliss live, but I'm guessing not any farther than Shelton. Once again at a family gathering, Aunt Arliss's son Tobin came, the Family Felon. I think that was Tobin, anyway. The same guy who was at Tammy and Erin's wedding. It's easy to confuse him and Les and Larry, all within a few years of my age even though they are my dad's first cousins. They have a mix of biological parents versus aunts or uncles who raised them, though, that I am rarely able to track, certainly by memory anyway. I was slightly surprised Valerie wasn't there; I see on the Facebook event that she was invited but it looks like she didn't respond. She wasn't at the 60th birthday party in 2015 either—Oh! Sherri's sister, Wendy, came to the 60th as well, but was not there yesterday. Her husband Steve was there in 2015 as well but he has also since passed away, so that's at least seven people who came ten years ago but are now dead. That's kind of a bummer to think about, let's move on! I did make a 10-minute tribue video, which some of you might reasonably have guessed from my otherwise "vague" references in recent posts to a "video project" I was working on. I got a text from Sherri a couple of weeks ago asking if I was putting a "video collage" together for Dad's birthday, and I kind of thought: I guess I am now! I honestly hadn't even thought about it. I had just made one for Dad and Sherri's 40th anniversary last year, after all, and naturally that meant there was a fair amount of overlap. There's a number of photos and clips in the video I made this year that were also in the video I made last year, but that's okay; this one still works separately as one focused more on Dad individually. I found some fun stuff in my sifting through archives that I hadn't even found when I made the last one. The hope was that I could play it at the party for everyone to watch. And I did, although the setup was sub-optimal to say the least. I even emailed the venue to ask if they had any TV or screen I could hook up my laptop to. I did get a response, saying "People usually use the wall." Sherri showed me the location inside where it was "set up" for me—but, it quickly became apparent that they assumed I would be bringing a projector with me. I did not have a projector. It would have been a good alternative if they just had a TV screen I could connect to, but they didn't even have that. Gina had a large speaker she was using Bluetooth to play music on from her phone, and she showed me the bluetooth network to connect to, but none of my devices showed that network. I'd have loved to at least get it hooked up to the speaker so everyone could hear it even though they had to look at my tiny laptop screen, but in the end I just set the laptop on a pedestal and put the sound as high as I could, so maybe ten or 15 attendees could gather at nearby tables and watch. Between the fan that was running (no air conditioning, remember), other ambient noise with doors open, and the inevitable chatting among the group, almost none of anything actually spoken on the video was heard by anyone. They seemed to enjoy it as well as they could, but when Sherri asked if I was going to post the video later to the Family Vacation group on Facebook, I said of course I would. I was unable to do that until I got the video uploaded to Flickr right after Shobhit and I got home late last night, and that's also what is embedded below at the bottom of this post. I don't have a lot of time to write much more today, but I should mention Becca, my niece, who just a couple of weekends ago moved to Olympia, kind of by coincidence considering so much of the rest of the family lives there. I kind of feel like Shobhit has a real soft spot for Becca in particular—she and Nikki were the only ones of my brother's five kids who ran the full cycle of eight summer weekend visits as they grew up, as I intended for all of them, but life got in the way of any of the boys getting eight visits (Tristen got four in the end; Christian got two; and Braeden got one). Shobhit really leaned in on the idea of family as a support system for Becca especially now that she's in Olympia, which is a little more complicated a prospect, I think, than he realizes—largely because she grew up in Spokane and just doesn't have the same bonded history with Dad and Sherri or with my sisters as all the nieces and nephrews who grew up in Olympia do. Also, and I aboslutely will not get into detail here, but Becca has adopted a lifestyle that people in general do not understand, and I think it creates a further distancing with people, which she arguably does not deserve. I feel like people's lack of understanding here is analagous to where society was in general with homosexuality thirty or forty years ago, which at the time created some distancing with me. So I have a bit of empathy here. But, there are other nuances here that are directly related to Becca herself, her own history with her immediate family, and some quasi-estrangements there. I wouldn't say she was estranged from Nikki, exactly—that's too strong a word—but I know it had been a few years since they had even seen each other. Becca's toddler, Kayvaan, is two years old, and this was the first time Nikki and TJ had seen him; I can't remember how old Elijah, Nikki and TJ's youngest, is—three, maybe?—but Becca commented on how she was going to be seeing Elijah for the first time as well. I think this has generally been the deal with Becca ever since she moved to the Everett area and then Lake Stevens with Tyler, and she became the first (and still the only) person in her immediate family to move from Eastern Washington to Western Washington. Shobhit spoke to Becca several times yesterday about connecting with Dad and Sherri, or with Gina and Beth, as potential support systems as she settles into a new living situation in Olympia. And he wasn't meaning anything like monetary support, but things like possible help with how or where to find a job, that kind of thing. The party was officially from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m. Knowing that Becca was now in Olympia, we offered to pick her and Kayvaan up and bring her to the party. We aimed to get to Becca's apartment at 1:00, and we got there closer to 1:15, which was fine. It took us several minutes to figure which of the buildings at her apartment complex was hers, but once we did, Becca was already standing outside with Kayvaan and the carseat we made sure she would have before we even agreed to pick them up. When the party was winding down, Dad asked me if we were going to come to the house to visit for a bit. I wasn't sure whether we would do that, but when Dad basically indicated he would like us to, I said yes we would. I then asked Becca if she wanted to come visit at the house for a bit or if she wanted us to take her home first; she said she'd like to come visit. Only shortly after that did I discover that Nikki and TJ were already planning to do the same. So, after we helped load some supplies back into Dad and Sherri's car, we all headed to the house—Shobhit, Becca, Kayvaan and I arrived first, but then Nikki and TJ pulled in right behind us only second later. I have a key to the house, so I let us all in. Dad and Sherri got there maybe ten minutes later, coming in to a living room with three children playing with all of the cat toys. I'd say we were at the house about an hour and 45 minutes, maybe. Given our hour drive home and my desire to get photos edited before I went to bed, this wound up being a rare case of me wanting to get going before Shobhit did, which was a strange flip. We finally said our goodbyes, though, after another odd thing happened: Shobhit went outside with Kayvaan into the front yard, Becca followed, and when Shobhit came back inside he said Becca already had Kayvaan strapped into the carseat. Huh? Oh, okay. After that, everyone came outside to say goodbye. Once we were in the car and I thought we were about to drive Becca and Kayvaan home, Shobhit asked Becca what her plans were for dinner. I can't remember the exact exchange now, escept that within about a minute he was offering to take her out to get something to eat. At first he was asking me to look up nearby restaurants on Yelp, an incredibly frustrating ask because "restaurant" is so broad and we're already headed out in the car—but, then Becca said Kayvaan loves pizza, and that made it much easier to narrow down. I found a place called Old School Pizzeria in downtown Olympia only about a mile from Dad and Sherri's, so that's where we went. I didn't mind doing this, for the record. It was just a slight challenge being such a last-minute decision, when I thought we were headed home. We weren't there that long, but it was well after 9:00 before we even started driving home after finally dropping Becca off—luckily, I was able to use my phone as a mobile wifi network for my laptop, which allowed me to process and even upload the day's photos to Flickr from the passenger seat in the car. The drive was a little over an hour, but I got nearly all I needed to get done there during the drive. I still got to bed much later than preferable in the end, but at least I didn't have all that shit to do still after getting home. Thank god for that mobile network function, it makes it much easier to be efficient with my time. We had taken two leftover slices of pizza for Becca to take home, and as she had to carry both Kayvaan and the carseat, I walked the bag with the plate of pizza inside it (it was very annoying that Old School Pizzeria asked that we take food home that way as opposed to in an actual box) behind her. But, she turned in the doorway to take the bag and give us hugs goodbye; she clearly didn't want us to come inside. That was fine, I guess. We talked about getting together again sometime when we happen to be back in town, and maybe we will—although we are rarely in Olympia when it's not for a holiday family gathering. So, we'll see. In any case, overall it was a lovely day. I think Dad had a pretty good time, which was the whole goal. [posted 12:40pm]